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Human Perception and Attentiveness

Humans are interesting.  Most of them.

Similar stories were common coming out of New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina and they need to be heard.  This is absolutely ridiculous.  This is how people act?  Deplorable.

This past spring into summer (2008) there was catastrophic flooding in Iowa – if you watched the Olympics you heard about Shawn Johnson’s hometown flooding.  That was the case over much of the state of Iowa, a disaster very near the level of any hurricane, homes were destroyed, livelihoods taken.  

What didn’t come out of Iowa were stories like this one.  Nobody looted, nobody begged for handouts, nobody cried racism, nobody blamed the Federal Gov’t, nobody blamed anybody.  Instead people helped their friends and neighbors the best they could; people acted like human beings.   

So what’s the difference between people in Iowa and people in Louisana?  You tell me.  Faced with the same tragedy, the same circumstances how can the story of human behavior be so different?  You tell me.

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Dear Editor,
I am a nurse who has just completed volunteer working approximately 120 hours as the clinic director in a Hurricane Gustav evacuation shelter in Shreveport, Louisiana over the last 7 days.  I would love to see someone look at the evacuee situation from a new perspective.  Local and national news channels have covered the evacuation and “horrible” conditions the evacuees had to endure during Hurricane Gustav.

True – some things were not optimal for the evacuation and the shelters need some modification.

At any point, does anyone address the responsibility (or irresponsibility) of the evacuees?

Does it seem wrong that one would remember their cell phone, charger, cigarettes and lighter but forget their child’s insulin?

Is something amiss when an evacuee gets off the bus, walks immediately to the medical area, and requests immediate free refills on all medicines for which they cannot provide a prescription or cur rent bottle (most of which are narcotics)?

Isn’t the system flawed when an evacuee says they cannot afford a $3 copay for a refill that will be delivered to them in the shelter yet they can take a city-provided bus to Wal-mart, buy 5 bottles of Vodka, and return to consume them secretly in the shelter?

Is it fair to stop performing luggage checks on incoming evacuees so as not to delay the registration process but endanger the volunteer staff and other persons with the very realistic truth of drugs, alcohol and weapons being brought into the shelter?

Am I less than compassionate when it frustrates me to scrub a mess from the floor near a nauseated child while his mother lies nearby, watching me work 26 hours straight, not even raising her head from the pillow to comfort her own son?

Why does it incense me to hear a man say “I ain’t goin’ home ’til I get my FEMA check”, when I would love to just go home and see my daughters who I have only seen 3 times this week?

Is the system flawed when the privately insured patient must find a way to get to the pharmacy, fill his prescription and pay his copay while the FEMA declaration allows the uninsured person to acquire free medications under the disaster rules?

Does it seem odd that the nurse volunteering at the shelter is paying for childcare while the evacuee sits on a cot during the day as the shelter provides a “daycare”?

Have government entitlements created this mentality and am I facilitating it with my work?

Will I be a bad person, merciless nurse or poor Christian if I hesitate to work at the next shelter because I have worked for 7 days being called every curse word imaginable, feeling threatened and fearing for my personal safety in the shelter?

Exhausted and battered,

Sherri Hagerhjelm, RN

When I first started this blog it was mainly to learn about how WordPress worked and how blogs worked.  My intent was to ramble on about things that I wanted to vent about.  Like idiot drivers, horrible customer service, the stunningly inaccurate weather forecasts in Kansas City, how bad our local sports teams are and why, etc…  I had planned to drop a few of the e-mails we all get and secretly love reading in here just for some content.  Turns out that’s about all I’ve really done so far.  When I’m driving, or lying awake and a rant pops into my head it sounds good and very blog worthy but by the time I get around to actually putting it down in “print” it either doesn’t sound so good or more commonly I’m just not that fired up about it anymore.  But today, something a bit different.  A reflection about old friends and why we lose touch and why it’s so nice when we hear from them.  Deep Thoughts with Jack Handy it’s not but perhaps if anybody ever reads this they won’t at least be left thinking they’ve just wasted 6 minutes of their life that they can never get back.

During the year (it’s 2008 by the way, since things on the Internet never seem to die) I’ve gotten in touch with 3 old friends.  I believe all 3 reached out to me first, which maybe says something about me (though I’m not sure what), of course I could be remembering wrong since it really doesn’t matter.  One was my girlfriend of nearly 4 years starting senior year in high school and into college.  I had been back in touch with her once before about 10 years ago, but only briefly and that had been after about 6 years since we graduated college.  Another was my childhood best friend.  Somewhat ironically aforementioned girlfriend may have been the beginning of the end of that friendship that didn’t quite survive all the way through high school.  He too I had been back in touch with previously, very briefly a rather long time ago and again we had lost touch.  Now we’ve been out for drinks a few times and saw a movie that was replayed at theaters one night only for it’s 25th Anniversary – we both recall seeing it together 25 years earlier.  Stop crying, I know it’s touching….  Lastly, I got an e-mail from an old friend from college, again connected to said old girlfriend – she was her college roommate for at least 2 years , maybe 3….???  Anyway, her and I became good friends for a few years as well.  And keeping with the theme were back in touch very briefly many years ago but again lost touch for a long time.

So it’s interesting.  All 3 I had been back in touch with several years later, but several years ago and obviously we didn’t stay in touch then and yet we get back in touch now, again.  Will it stick this time?  Maybe.  Maybe we’re all more secure and stable in our lives where jealousy, or old feelings (good or bad) are no longer a factor.  Certainly it’s easier now with e-mail (which did exist last time we said hi, we aren’t that old) and new social websites (Facebook, LinkedIn, etc.. which didn’t exist last time around) but it still takes time to stay in touch.  So will it stick this time?  In at least one case I can already say no.  My ex-girlfriend and I said hi, exchanged a few e-mails and caught up with our lives.  As much as you can cover 10 years in a few e-mails.  It was very nice, good to know that someone who meant so much to you, even so long ago is doing well and is mostly happy.  But that’s been it.

It probably makes a really big difference on who they were in your past whether or not you stay in touch or just stop with the quick catch up.  When it comes to my childhood friend I think we’re discovering we do have some things in common besides just very fond memories of our childhood and its possible we’ll stay in touch and even see each other once in a while.  And that’s likely the most important thing – something in common now.  That’s why we’re friends with people now isn’t it?  Common interests.  Someone to talk sports with, share political points of view (even if you don’t agree), etc….  That’s a more sound basis for a friendship then anything that happened 25 years ago, even if it was somebody you spent more time with than anybody else during your childhood.

Last but not least, my most recent lost friend who got back in touch by her own admission 18 months after she came across e-mail addresses for some old friends from college.  We were good friends in college, spent a lot of time together.  Not always by choice I guess and I don’t mean to speak for her but I think we “got” each other.  Similar sense of humor and the benefit of no sexual tension – I don’t think either of us were trying to sleep with each other.  Again, can’t speak for her but think I’m real safe here 
It was great to hear from her and who knows if we’ll do more than forward stupid (but often very funny) e-mails now and again.  Only time will tell but if nothing else it was nice to hear from an old friend who seems to be doing well and is pretty happy.  That’s all you can ask for.  Happiness.

So why do we lose touch in the first place?
I think the real reason is that we live boring lives.  What are we going to keep up with…hey I mowed the grass today and you should have seen what the cat threw up yesterday!
It really goes back to who they were in your past and how/why the relationship ended.  For an ex-girlfriend it probably ended bad.  To quote the movie Cocktail “everything ends badly; otherwise it wouldn’t end”.  And if one person thinks it didn’t you can be pretty sure the other person does.  For a childhood friend, people change.  Especially when after their girlfriend breaks up with them a few months later is dating you.  People find themselves and learn a lot about themselves in high school and college and sometimes what they find is that what you want to be or have become may not be the same thing as your buddy from 6th grade.  I suppose we’re always finding ourselves and always changing but in 6th grade it means something different than it does as a senior in high school or freshman in college or as a 30-something guy married with kids.

I think for me, it’s that most people suck so when you find ones that don’t, or at least didn’t you should keep in touch.

Maybe it’s just nice to know that someone remembers you.

I simply couldn’t believe it.  My wife and I along with our 1 1/2 year old daughter in her stroller were at the community center where our son takes a Tae-Kwan-Do class each week.  We’ve been going for several months now and with perfect regularity parents have pulled up chairs along the window on the side, then curving out toward the door then starting rows behind.  It’s tough to explain and I’m not going to draw it – it really doesn’t matter at all – it does not change what shocked me, what happened was ridiculous even without a very well known informal seating situation.

A parent and a grandparent – at least one of whom, if not both I know have absolutely been there before and knew of the seating method.  But again, this does not matter at all.  They arrived just a few minutes early, 5-6 minutes after us.  Without even glancing at us they simply pulled up chairs directly in front of me, my wife and little girl.  I just don’t understand people I guess.